Thanks for hangin' in while computer problems and writing struggles have kept me away for a while.  I've wrestled with God a little over this post for two reasons.  One, I'm pretty transparent but there are still things I don't want everyone to know.  And two, maybe nobody wants to hear my "stuff".  No matter, God said "Don't worry about them, you need to say it and hear for your own benefit."  Oh well, if you've read any of the earlier posts, you already know I'm weird.  Besides, it's much easier to bear your soul when you can't see anyone's face.  So here goes. . .
To say my name and "stay at home mom" in the same sentence is truly a miracle.  Almost 10 years ago now, I could not stay home by myself for more than five minutes.  I am not exaggerating in the least.  I would be in full panic mode the minute my husband went out the door.  My brother would have to come over to my apartment in the mornings just so I could get ready for work.  I was absolutely beyond terrified to be alone.  I won't go into the why's of it all, mainly because I'm not completely clear on how it all started myself and even if I were, I'm sure I couldn't explain it.  Anyways, it was such a dark, painful and tortuous time in my life and even today I still struggle with it on some levels (but that's another post).  So anyways, imagine my thoughts when my first son was born and it was time for my husband to go back to work.  How in the world would I stay at home for 12 hours when it took all the strength I had to stay home 12 minutes?!  And on top of that, I was responsible for another totally dependant human-I couldn't even take care of myself.  And don't even get me started on how raging post pregnancy hormones played into it all!  To say that I was afraid would be like saying the Titanic was a bathtub toy boat!  I would literally pass out from fear and often!  I was thinking back to those early stay at home mom days and marveling at the fact that I'm still here and my now 3 children are for the most part pretty normal.  How did I survive?  Well, I made it and am making it today because God kept His promises.  Every single one and every single time.  He hasalways kept His promises.  Think about that a minute.  Never, not even once, has He broken a promise to me.  That is amazing!  He is always, always, always faithful.  Sometimes His promises are easy to believe-"In this world you will have trouble. . "  Yeah, to say I was living that one is an understatement-that promise was definitely ringing true.  Others were not so easy but in finding them and clinging to them even when I didn't know if He would come through, I found a new way to live.  His promises have become oxygen for my lungs and the lifeblood running through my veins.  I cannot survive without them and I don't want to.  Oh I wish there were better words but all I can say is He is so very faithful and trustworthy.  I cannot say that I always rely on Him and His promises but I can say that 100 percent of the time that I give Him the opportunity to prove Himself faithful-He is.  I guess that's the hard part-letting go.  Letting go of the lie that says "I can do this, I can fix this" or "As long as I have so and so or such and such, I'll be ok".  When we look to ourselves or others to come through and make everything better we will be gravely disappointed.  To be honest, relying on God is hard.  It's a choice that goes against our need for immediate comfort.  It doesn't always feel good and as a matter of fact, in my experience, it can be downright excruciating.  But I remember that at even the darkest and most hopeless feeling moments I felt the undercurrent of His promises carrying me along-tossing side to side and seasick, but still moving forward.  So, if you wondering what promises He was keeping, I will share a few and maybe you'll give Him the opportunity to keep His promises to you as well.
"May Your unfailing love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to Your promise; then I will answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in Your word."-Psalm 119:41-42
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my Rock and my salvation; He is my Fortress, I will never be shaken.  Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our Refuge."-Psalm 62:1,5,8
"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid." -John 14:27
"Give me a sign of Your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for You, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me."-Psalm 86:17
"The Lord is near to all who call on Him; to all who call on Him in truth."-Psalm 145:18
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you."-Matthew 17:20-21
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:6-7
"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."-Deuteronomy 31:6
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity. . "-Jeremiah 29:11-14a
"No, in all things, we are more than conquerors."-Romans 8:37
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."-Psalm 73:25-26
"When I said, 'My foot is slipping', Your love O Lord supported me.  When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul."-Psalm 94:18-19
"O Lord, I have come to You for protection; don't let me be put to shame.  Rescue me, for You always do what is right.  Bend down and listen to me; rescue me quickly.  Be for me a great rock of safety, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me."-Psalm 31:1-2
"I will not fail you!"-Joshua 1:5
I know this has been rather lengthy and like I said at the beginning, this has been more for my own benefit than for others.  But maybe, just maybe, there's someone else out there that needs a kept promise.  Let go and let Him keep His promises to you!