I love the passage in Genesis where Jacob wrestled with God.  It might just be one of the most encouraging and freeing passages for me in my journey with Him.  During a particularly lonely and seemingly hopeless time in my life I wrestled with God myself.  I struggled with Him over the how's, the why's, and what for's of my pain.  At times I was angry with Him, at times I felt He was unkind, other times I resented His silence.  Sometimes I was too weak to do anything but sit dumbfounded and hurt in the presence of Someone I felt was ignoring me.  On top of my pain, I felt guilty about my feelings toward God.  But this story of Jacob brought the realization that I CAN wrestle with God.  It's OK to fight it out!  He's not afraid of my questions, my emotions and anger, my confusion.  My questions do not intimidate Him or cause Him to raise His defenses.  If you are willing to wrestle then there is still some fight left in you and there is still a desire for relationship.  Like Jacob, I said, "I will not let go!  I may not understand You, forgive me but I may not even like You!  I'm hanging on by a fingernail but I cannot and will not let You go!  Bless me!"
I still don't have all my answers I was looking for, but I did get the ones I needed.  Even more-oh how sweet You are LORD-I got Him.  We wrestled it out together-Him and me.  His blood, sweat and tears mixed with mine.  He wasn't sitting far off watching me struggle.  He was more than willing to get in there and get His hands dirty.  All I had to do was hang on if even by that one fingernail.  He was in there fighting with me for the answers I needed and helping me trust Him for the answers I don't need.  We have an understanding that it is possible for me to not let go even when I want to and He'll never let go and He'll never want to.  Sure, He left some battle scars.  Real battles always leave scars or they're not real battles. Scars are signs of wounds but they are also signs of healing.  The wounds are painful but God's own hands binding up my wounds so lovingly are such a worthwhile reward.  Like Jacob, I walk with a limp of sorts.  But my scars tell a story-my HIStory of struggle, faith, perserverance and of course love. You can't buy that at a Barnes and Noble!  Over time, I think my scars have gotten quite beautiful and they just might be my most prized possession.